SPN x Lucifer crossover, Hallucifer
“I got a tip Lucifer Morningstar was supposed to be here?”
Her brows creased in confusion, “A little late to the party, aren’t you?”
“Another agent already came by.”
“Yeah. I think he said his name was… Smith?”
“That’s my partner.” he replaced his badge, “We were supposed to meet here.” He surveyed the scene again, “…Is he still here?”
“I told him he was free to wait, but he didn’t stick around too long after our talk.”
“Of course,” he scrubbed a hand down his face, “How long ago was he here?”
“Uhm…” she dug her phone out of her back pocket, “Maybe about an hour?”
“Okay, great. Did he-”
“Sorry I’m late,” The British voice cut off the end of the hunters’ sentence. The Brit started over to where they were standing, box of doughnuts in hand, “But I brought gifts.”
Dean turned back to the detective, “This is how you let your people behave?”
She didn’t bother to hide her annoyed look as he got closer, snatching the box from the man, “He’s a consultant.”
The Brits’ mouth dropped open slightly as she took the box, placing it on the hood of a nearby police car, “I got you the kind with the jelly, I know they’re your favourite.”
“Lucifer,” she gave him a pointed look before gesturing to the Winchester, “This FBI agent has a few questions for you.”
“Ah, right, gotcha,” he spun around to face the hunter, thousand-watt smile on his face fading as he saw who it was, “I’m sorry,” he half-turned back to his partner, “You said he was…?”
The raven-haired man scoffed, “He’s not FBI.”
“What?” She pulled him slightly to the side, dropping her voice, “Lucifer, are you sure?”
“Yes, of course!” He strode the few steps back over to the hunter, “Or, at least he wasn’t last night.”
“Last night?” She turned back to the hunter, “What is he talking about?”
Dean swallowed thickly, adjusting his tie, “I-I think he has me confused with somebody else.”
“Pfft, please.” Lucifer waved a dismissive hand, “I’m not one to forget the faces of my latest conquests’.”
“Whoa, hey,” Dean let out a nervous chuckle, holding up his hands, “We did not sleep together.”
“You and Maze may have started the party,” he took a step closer, sly smile on his face, “But I was definitely there for the happy ending.”
Dean eyed the man for a moment, lips twitching into a nervous smile. He cleared his throat, shaking his head before turning back to the woman, “Mind if I ask him a few questions?”
Her cuffs were already out of her hip holster as she shook her head, “Hands behind your back, Sir.”
“Oh, come on,” he grunted as she pushed him against the police car, “I can explain!”
“I’d love to hear it, I really would,” she ripped the door open, “But we have actual police business to attend to. So,” she placed a hand on his head and all but pushed him inside, “you’re gonna wait right here until we’re done, got it?”
“But, I-” he cut himself off as she slammed the door damn it! He kicked the back of the seat and hung his head, how am I gonna get out of this?
“Ran his prints,” Chloe walked into the holding room, look of disapproval on her face, “According to our database, you’re one Dean Winchester.”
Dean shrugged, yanking his tie loose. “Guilty.”
“Well, Dean,” She took a seat, sliding the file toward him, “it says here you’re dead. So, who are you, really?”
“Really?” Lucifer snatched the file, brows going up, “Well there most certainly is a first time for everything.”
“We did not sleep together.”
The raven-haired man shrugged, leaning back in his seat, “Tell that to your hickey.”
Deans’ hand instinctively went to his neck, mouth opening silently to reply before he closed it again, glaring at the smirking man.
Chloe held up her hand, dropping her voice, “Lucifer, maybe it’s better if you wait outside.”
He half-turned, looking offended, “What? Why?”
“Because your… personal interest seems to be getting in the way.”
“My personal…?” He eyed the hunter before sighing, standing up, “Fine.”
She gave him an apologetic look as he left, before turning back to the hunter, “So, your name?”
“I told you.”
“No,” she shook her head, “There’s no way you’re Dean Winchester.”
He leaned back in his chair, “If it helps, some days I wish I wasn’t, either.” She eyed him for a moment before he sighed, “Look, this is all just a big misunderstanding.”
“Okay,” she nodded, crossing her arms over her chest, “So tell me, what are we misunderstanding?”
Dean ran a hand through his hair, “You wouldn’t believe me.”
He blew out a breath, scrubbing a hand down his face, “It’s… it’s hard to explain, alright?”
Chloe raised an eyebrow, “I don’t think you understand just how much trouble you’re in.”
Dean let out a dry laugh, “I think I have a pretty good idea.”
She leaned over the table, “Impersonating an officer is a huge offence. Lots of jail time.” Her eyes drifted back to the file between them, “And with your record…” she shook her head, “they’re not exactly gonna go easy.”
Dean sucked his teeth, I’m going to kill Sam.
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Sam huffed as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, why can’t I get you to shut up?
“Sam, we’ve been over this,” the devil crossed his legs as he sat on the toilet seat, “thinking at me is the same as talking. Might as well use your voice.”
No, he shook his head violently, making himself dizzy from the force, you’re not real.
Lucifer sighed before getting up off the toilet, coming up behind the giant, lips barely an inch away from his ear, “Are you sure?”
The brunette couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his spine at the words, the way the breath tickled the hair on his ear, how could he-
“Sammich? You okay in there?”
He jumped at the voice, heart practically leaping out of his chest. His eyes swept the room, not seeing the fallen angel anywhere.
He ran a shaky hand through his hair as he took a deep breath, “Y-yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”
The giant held his breath as he waited to hear retreating footsteps. He deflated against the sink, turning back before turning it on, bringing some water up to his face, that was close.
“Don’t worry, Sam,” Lucifer clapped him on the shoulder, smiling at their reflections, “you won’t have to keep me a secret much longer.”
“He’s in shock, but other than that he’s fine. No broken bones, barely even a scratch. From a fall that high, I’d say he’s pretty…”
The EMT’s voice droned on in the background, as he sat on the edge of the ambulance, picking at the lip of the paper cup in his hands, shock… this is what shock feels like?
“I know it’s not quite the outcome you wanted,” Lucifer came over and sat beside him, “but hey, you did want a body to hit the sidewalk, so… that’s still a win, right?”
Sam shook his head, how can you say that? He was your brother.
“Oh, c’mon. It’s not like I killed him.”
He scoffed, eyes still on the now-covered body, why did you come after me?
“You know why.”
“He loved you, Sam. Just like I told you.”
No, no he didn’t. He wasn’t- he tore his eyes away from the body to look at the fallen angel, “Why are you even still here? You got what you wanted.”
“How many times do I have to tell you?” The blonde blew out a breath and looked at the body bag, “He loved you. I never would’ve-” he cut himself off as he looked down.
Sam eyed him for a moment, “This is a trick, right?”
“This is all just you, right? You’re tricking me into thinking that-”
“No, Sam, I’m not.”
He glanced back up to the body bag, boulder settling into his stomach, no, this can’t- there’s no way this is- He turned back to the blonde, lump forming in his throat as he noted his sad expression, “Please tell me this isn’t real.”
The devil hung his head lower, not meeting the ex-hunter’s eyes.
The giant swallowed thickly, no, this- this can’t be real. “Y-you’re lying.”
“I’m sorry, Sam.”
“No!” He stood up, hands balling into fists at his sides, glaring at the shorter man, “You’re lying!”
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Requested: April 25th
“I told you he’d start to suspect something.” The blonde stretched his legs out in front of him, eyes on the giants’ kneeling form as he dug through the closet.
“Oh, well, good for you,” Sam continued flinging clothes behind him, getting increasingly desperate the deeper he dug, “C’mon, it’s gotta be in here somewhere.”
Lucifer peered over the edge of the bed, “What are you even looking for?”
“My contacts,” he reached the back wall of the closet, face falling, “They’re not here.”
“Contacts?” Lucifer sat up, tilting his head slightly in curiosity, “Since when do you wear contacts?”
Sam huffed, spinning away from the closet on his knees, scanning the room, “I don’t. I bought them after the last time they’d….” he let his voice trail off as his eyes landed on the dresser, maybe I moved them? He got up and made his way over to it, pulling out one of the drawers, beginning to dig through it.
“You’re worried your eyes will change?” Lucifer moved to sit on the edge of the bed frame, eyes wide, “How much have you been drinking?”
Sam shot a look over his shoulder, “What? No. Not that much. Shut up,” he turned back to the dresser, beginning his assault on the next drawer.
“Then why do you need them?”
“Hey, Sam,” Deans’ voice made the giant jump, and his head whipped up to face the open door. The blonde surveyed the clothes strewn about the floor, and the open closet doors before his eyes landed on his brother, hunched over the dresser, fistfuls of clothing in both hands, “… You lose something?”
“Uh, yeah,” Sam placed the clothes in his hand down, and straightened up slowly, “Y’know that pocket knife you gave me last year at Christmas? I was trying to find it.”
His brother didn’t look convinced but he nodded anyway, “Steaks are almost done.”
“Okay, great,” the brunette forced himself to smile, “Thanks.”
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With a regretful look back to his brother, Dean nodded and headed out.
“Finally… I thought he’d never leave,” Lucifer clapped the hunter on the shoulder as he closed the door.
He does like to worry. Wait, what are you doing? Don’t let him in, Sam heard the Impala take off as he made his way to the couch.
“Well, now that we’re alone…” Lucifer waggled his eyebrows and straddled the hunter.
“What the fuck,” the giant jumped up and took a couple steps backward.
“Sam,” the blonde gave him a curious look as he picked himself up off the floor, “we’ve done this before you know.”
“No we haven’t,” the hunter had the nerve to look appalled, much to the devil’s amusement.
As if he doesn’t remember it was his idea… He brushed himself off and analysed the hunter, “Sam, do you… ,” he struggled to find the words, not wanting to give something away that he wasn’t ready to hear, “You remember what happened in the cage, don’t you?”
“Of course I remember,” he crossed his arms and cocked his head, “why do you ask?” And why do you sound so… hurt?
Lucifer shifted his gaze down to the floor as he worked out how to continue, “So then you… remember? W-what we did?”
“Damn right I remember what you did to me you son-of-a-bitch,” he couldn’t help but notice the flinch the blonde gave at his tone, Pfftt, please Sam… as if the devil is scared of you, get real.
“No,” Lucifer closed his eyes and sighed before he locked gazes with the hunter, “Do you remember what we did?”
“What do you-”
“In the cage, yes you were tortured, but never by my own hand,” the explanation rushed out of him, almost as if he couldn’t stop it, “it was all Michael. I told you I’d never hurt you Sam, and I meant it. I did everything I could to get between you and Michael, I couldn’t just stand there and watch him break you over and over again. So I… I made you a hide out.”
“A place where Michael wouldn’t be able to get to you. I set up a decoy version of you for him to take his frustrations out on, so he wouldn’t notice you were gone-”
“A decoy? Where do you get a decoy Sam Winchester from, Hunters R Us?” Sam chuckled and crossed his arms, remaining skeptical of the explanation.
“Not exactly…” Lucifer winced, clearly not wanting to divulge the information.
“Lucifer,” Sam’s voice was hard and he took a step toward the shorter man, “what did you use as a decoy?”
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“Where the hell’s your brother?”
“Supply run,” he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and stretched, “Did you forget something?”
“Forget something? Dean, I’ve been gone four days.”
“What?” He was definitely awake now.
Bobby flicked the light on, making Dean shield his eyes from the light, “I came back from the hunt to see the door unlocked, the Impala gone, you snoring on the couch and a lack of your mammoth of a brother.”
Fuck, he struggled to his feet, “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“I got back yesterday, figured he was out on a supply run and waited to see if he’d come back. Gave the kid fifteen minutes from when I got in, when he didn’t show? I’ve been trying to wake you since.”
He is so dead. He started toward the door.
“Do you know where he went?”
“No, but I’ll start with the store and work my way up,” he reached into his pocket for the keys.
Fuck, I let him take the car! He banged a fist against the wall, “Can we take your truck?”
Bobby nodded, catching up to Dean, before running out the door. They climbed into his truck – needing to physically pull Dean half way into it first, which shaved off another couple minutes of catch-up time – before speeding off toward the store.
“C’mon Sam, I know you want to vent. Who better to listen than me?” Lucifer stretched his feet up onto the dash as they sped down the road, the youngest Winchester looking ready to explode, his grip on the steering wheel getting increasingly tighter.
“Leave me alone.” Sam pushed the palm of his left hand as hard as he could into the wheel.
Why can’t I just get some time to myself? Usually, Lucifer disappeared after a few minutes or he just hung around in the background, not really talking. But lately things had started to change – Sam would walk into a room to find him waiting there, actively trying to get him to respond, he seemed more in tune with the situation and would interject whenever there was a pause, and, perhaps the most annoying – the scar on his hand was pretty much useless.
“Don’t be mean, Sammy, I’m only trying to help.”
“I don’t want your help.”
“Oh c’mon,” Lucifer bumped his arm, “Tell me what’s bothering you about Big Bro.”
“It’s just-” he huffed, knuckles going white around the steering wheel, “He’s acting like I’m five. Like I can’t take care of myself. All the shit we’ve been through? And he just assumes I’m not able to handle this. I mean,” he pulled into the parking lot, “No offence but seeing you isn’t exactly the worst thing that’s happened to one of us, y’know?”
Lucifer nodded, “He has gotten more… controlling lately.”
“I know,” Sam got out of the car and made his way toward the entrance of the store, “I think it might be tied to losing Cas, but still…” he picked up a basket as they entered, pausing as Lucifer hopped into one of the carts, “… what’re you doing?”
“I’ve never rode in one before.”
Sam shook his head, replacing the basket, before making his way over to the cart, “You know they don’t go very fast, right? If you think riding in a car is slow – this’ll be ten times worse.”
Lucifer waved a dismissive hand at him before pointing to the doors, “Onward!”
Sam complied, making his way into the store pushing the cart, unable to ignore the thousand-watt smile the devil gave him.
“Don’t forget the pie, Sam.”
“I’m not gonna forget the pie,” he mentally cursed himself as a lady gave him a quizzical look as they passed, shit.
“What?” Lucifer turned to look at the lady, before turning back to the hunter, confused, “What’s wrong?”
Nothing, he turned down the produce aisle, throwing things into the cart occasionally.
“Ooohhh,” Lucifer nodded, “You don’t want to look crazy, got it.”
They turned down another aisle, Sam moving through it quickly, trying to find pie.
Sam stopped abruptly, glad the aisle was empty, “What the hell?”
Lucifer picked a box of Pop-Tarts up off the shelf, holding them out to show the hunter, “Can we get these?”
Sams’ brows furrowed in confusion, “Since when do angels need to eat? And since when do you like Pop-Tarts?”
Lucifer pet the box, “These are the best thing your kind has invented.”
“…Sure,” Sam held back his chuckle as the devil reached for another box, cradling both against his chest.
They continued shopping in silence for a while, before Sam doubled back on some of the aisles, scanning the signs above with frustration, “Where the hell is the pie?”
Lucifer pointed toward the back of the store, “Probably where it says Bakery?”
He stopped dumbfounded before shaking his head, of course, starting toward the back of the store.
He ducked as he heard a gunshot, before turning to the front of the store, eyes widening as he saw another him, “What the hell?”
“This is a robbery!” Clone-Sam yelled, firing two more shots into the ceiling, “Everybody down!” He made his way over to the cash, shooting some of the people in line, before throwing the cashier a bag, “Money, in!”
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