Started: 26.01.16
Finished: 26.07.30
Words: 772
NFF, TW: Abuse (Aftermath)
“I,” She licks her lips and momentarily closes her eyes in an attempt to keep her voice steady, “I’m not crazy.”
“Heh,” Even with her eyes closed, she could see the dark smirk on his face, “Are you sure?”
Her breath hitches at that – no longer able to fill her lungs fully. She takes another moment before she opens her eyes, finding his outline in the dark, “I-I want you to go.”
“No, you don’t.”
She bristles at hearing how calm he is. He always managed to stay calm on the outside – a skill she’d unfortunately never learned. Turning every one of their ‘fights’ into a battle of who looked less stable.
And she was losing.
She was always losing.
She shakes her head and takes a small step back, “I don’t like what you do to me.”
He moves a few steps closer, darkness of the night still shielding his face from her view, “Maybe if you weren’t always causing problems…”
“That’s not fair!” She stomps her foot, unable to keep the bubbling anger down, “You make me-”
“Make you?” She can’t see his features, but she swears she hears his eyebrow raise, “I thought you were an adult? You can’t blame other people for your emotions.”
She snorts, “That’s rich coming from you.”
“Why?”
Her face screws up at the question and she let’s out an incredulous chuckle, “All you do is blame me for your emotions!”
“No, I don’t.” His too-calm demeanour was starting to get to her – this was the longest she’d ever seen him sustain a non-explosive emotion. It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so utterly frustrating. “I just react to the things that you do.”
“’You can’t blame other people for your emotions.’” The impression slips off her tongue before her brain has time to catch up to what she’s saying. The second the sentence is out of her mouth, she feels her body go cold.
His face splits into that stupid fucking grin and he shrugs nonchalantly, “Don’t get me to that point.” A chuckle slips out of him then, and she bites the inside of her cheek in an attempt to keep her anger at bay, “If you don’t like it? Go be with someone else.”
I did leave, though. She feels tears of frustration prick at the corners of her eyes and she feels her voice catch in her throat – what could she say to that that she hadn’t already? How many times would she have to have this conversation?
How many times will I lose this conversation?
He takes her silence as an invitation to move closer, moonlight finally revealing his features – he looks exactly the same as the day she’d left, and yet, at the same time, completely different. If it wasn’t for the voice that was seared into her brain coming out of his mouth, she’d swear she’d never met the man standing before her in her life.
“It’s okay, babe.” A small smile that seems genuine pulls up the corner of his mouth then, and he lets out a small huff as his eyes find hers, “We’ll get through this.”
She forces herself to take in a shuddering breath as she finally gets her heavy legs to carry her over to the light-switch. In the next instant, her bedroom is flooded with light, and the outline of her ex disappears.
She looks around the newly-lit space with half-afraid eyes, and – despite confirming that she was, in fact, alone – can’t stop her brain from catching him out of the corners of her eyes. She walks the short trip over to the bed, before her body completely collapses into near-hysterical sobs.
He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone…
She cries a puddle into the mattress as echoes of his voice rattle through her brain. She reaches with one hand blindly out for the phone that’s on the opposite side of the pillows and pulls it close. She draws the pattern on the touch-screen with a shaking hand, before the soft melody of her favourite song starts playing.
She lets the words wash over her trembling body as she tries to regain her composure. She forces herself to sing along – her voice comes out off-key and crackling, but it helps drown his voice out of her head.
Once her mind finally quiets, she chances lifting her head and looks around the room again. This time, she lets out a sigh of relief and feels new tears prick at the corners of her eyes.
She’s alone.
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