You Deserve To Be Loved


Written: 14.09.19

TW: Suicide (Mentioned)


“Sammy!” Gabriel yelled, sliding to his knees beside the too-still body on the bathroom floor.

Oh no, no, no! Dear God, no! Gabriel thought, eyes quickly scanning over the still growing pool of blood that the giant’s body was surrounded by.

“Sammy?” Gabriel asked, already knowing that the man in front of him wouldn’t answer.

God, no, c’mon Sammy, hold on just a little bit longer. Gabriel thought desperately, picking the giant rag doll up off the ground before zapping them in front of a hospital. He ran through the doors and looked around frantically, his voice suddenly gone as his panic began to rise. He rushed forward, to the nurses station, and still couldn’t find his voice.

“Are you okay, Sweety?” The nurse asked once she saw him standing there.

“I-” Gabriel squeaked and held up his arms as high as he could, raising Sam up as much as he could so she could see it, and why the hell was the counter so high anyway?

“Oh, dear. What’s wrong with him?” She asked, coming around the side of the counter to get a better look.

Gabriel just shook his head and stared at her, pleading for her to save his life. The nurse looked into his eyes and sighed before motioning for one of the nurses to come help.

“Alright, Sweety, here, let me take him.” She said, gently prying Sam out of Gabriel’s grasp.

“He-he tried to-”

“Code Red!” The nurse yelled, her eyes suddenly flooding with panic, now that she could see the damage.

About a dozen nurses suddenly flooded in front of Gabriel, each taking some part of Sam into their arms, all manoeuvring so he was somewhat situated on a gurney, before they raced him down the hall and out of sight.



Gabriel was still standing there, where they’d taken him away, still starring at the double swinging doors in shock. He’s not sure how long he’d been standing there but a doctor finally came back out and looked directly at him, a grim expression set on his face.

Oh, God no. No, not now, not my Sammy – please, not you, not you…

“Gabriel Winchester?” The doctor asked, looking at him expectantly.

Gabriel tried (and failed) to swallow the lump in his throat, and nodded.

“I’m Doctor Kroger.” The doctor introduced himself, Gabriel’s mind racing too much to remember the name.

“Can we talk?” He asked, gesturing to the line of chairs bolted to the wall.

Gabriel again, just nodded and followed him over, perching himself on the very edge of the seat.

“Mr. Winchester, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to tell you.” He started, again looking at the angel expectantly.

“O-okay.” Gabriel nodded, his voice cracking.

“Mr. Winchester, your brother tried to kill himself. He’d slashed his arms vertically, along with the two artery’s on his legs. He’s suffering from massive blood loss, we have him hooked up to a transfuse at the moment, and a breathing ventilator. We were very lucky, if you hadn’t have found him when you did-”

“He’d be dead.” Gabriel finished, feeling his heart drop into his stomach.

The doctor nodded at him and smiled. He actually had the audacity to smile. Sam had almost died and the doctor was smiling.

The doctor went flying backwards out of his chair and only stopped sliding because he hit the nurses desk.

Gabriel blinked and looked at the doctor, then down at himself. He was certain that he didn’t actually punch him, he didn’t even feel himself move.

“Why would you punch a doctor?” One of the nurses asked, coming around to help him stand back up.

“I – I didn’t!” Gabriel stuttered, standing up, eyes going wider with panic.

The doctor’s eyes widened at this statement and he took a step to the side, before practically running back through the double doors.

“Hey! Wait!” Gabriel called out, running after the doctor.

“Can I go see Sam?” Gabriel asked, popping up in front of the doctor.

The doctor’s eyes widened and he looked behind him confused, before taking a step back from Gabriel, holding his hands up.

“Y-you’re not human.” He muttered.

Gabriel sighed and looked around the hall quickly, making sure no one else was there, before grabbing his chin, to make him look at him.

“P-please, don’t hurt me.” The doctor choked.

“When can I go see Sam?” Gabriel asked through grit teeth, trying his hardest not to break the doctor’s jaw.

“W-whenever you want.”

Gabriel sighed and let go of his face, before rubbing a hand down his own.

“What room is he in?”

“R-right there. On the left.”

Gabriel sighed again and looked into the window in the door before gasping. Sam was there, lying in the bed, hooked up to about ten different machines, his arms covered in bruises that were most definitely not there when Gabriel brought him in.

Oh, Sammy.

“W-when can I take him home?” Gabriel asked, tearing his eyes away from the man lying in bed.

Of course. Gabriel thought as he saw that he was now alone in the hall.

Gabriel took a deep breath before opening the door, slipping inside quietly. He closed and locked the door behind him before standing at the end of the bed in shock. It looked so much worse up close, now he could see the dark circles under his eyes, the stubble on his face, the artificial rise and fall of his chest, how greasy his hair had become along with a cut just above his left eye, a butterfly strip holding it closed.

The worst, the worst of it all was the long line of stitches that ran along the length of his arms, looking as though they were barely holding the skin in place, starting at his wrists and ending just below the crook of his elbows.

“God Sammy, what did you do?” He breathed, holding on to the end of the bed to keep himself from falling over.

It’s all my fault…Gabriel thought, coming around the side of the bed slowly.

Why did I have to do that? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I don’t even remember what we were fighting about…

Gabriel pulled the chair out of the corner as close to the bed as it could go before sitting down, feeling his eyes sting with tears.

I shouldn’t have left, I should’ve stayed with him, I should’ve been there to protect him. I should’ve…

Gabriel scrubbed his hands through his hair as the tears began to fall, pulling at the strands until he felt dizzy with the pain.

I don’t even remember why I was so angry, I don’t remember what we were fighting about, and you – I almost lost you because of it.

I almost lost you because of something I don’t even remember! Gabriel thought, realizing that he was no longer in the chair, but pacing behind it.

He was angry – no, screw that – he was friggin’ pissed at himself for leaving, he was pissed at the doctor’s and nurses for the bruises that were covering his baby’s sewed up arms.

Sewed up…like somebody’s broken toy. Gabriel thought bitterly, punching a hole in the wall.

Careful. Wouldn’t want to cause a scene.

Gabriel was back beside the bed in an instant, crushing Sam to his chest, not caring if his tears soaked through the stupid gown he was wearing.


“Right, sorry.” Gabriel let him go, and sat back in the chair, unable to stop the tears from falling.

Sam coughed a little before settling back in the bed, looking at his arms, a blush creeping up his face, and damn him, it made it impossible for Gabriel to hold onto the anger that had risen inside him.

“I guess I made it, huh?” Sam asked quietly.

Gabriel’s brain stopped for a moment at hearing how disappointed the hunter sounded.

“Yes, you did. I found you on the floor of the bathroom and I-” Gabriel cut himself off, turning away as the tears welled up again.

God, no…You weren’t supposed to find me…

Gabriel barked out a sharp little laugh and looked back to the man in the bed, who was looking at him surprised.

“Not supposed to find you? Who else did you think would find you in our house before me? What? Did you call somebody to meet you there so I wouldn’t have to find you dead on the floor?” Gabriel asked, rising to his feet.

Okay, so he lied – he was able to hold on to a little bit of his anger.

“No, I-”

“If you didn’t want me to be the one to find you then why did you do it in our house? Who else do you know would’ve beaten me home to find you? Jesus Sam! How can you say that?”

He was pacing again but he didn’t care, he was too wound up to sit down now anyway.

“Or did you mean I wasn’t supposed to find you alive? You wanted me to find you cold and blue on the floor, lying in a pool of your own blood, is that it?” Gabriel stopped pacing and turned to face the hunter, hands on his hips.

“I-I didn’t think you’d care…” Sam replied, keeping his eyes on the bed sheet.

Gabriel felt as though he was just slapped in the face.

Didn’t think I’d care? Gabriel thought bewildered.

“Of course I’d care Sam! Wait, you think that just because we had a fight means that I don’t care about you anymore?” Gabriel asked, making his way back to the chair.

Sam glanced up at him, his eyes wet and nodded before looking back down.

“God, Sammy, no – that’s not how this works. My love for you can’t just disappear at a moment’s notice. I love you more than anything else on this planet, and just because I get mad or disappointed at times doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ve loved you since the first time we met and you didn’t know that my kind even existed. I loved you even more when you tried proposing to me in the coffee shop and everything went so terribly wrong and I ended up covered in coffee and whipped cream. I love everything about you, you’re my little Sammich, and even when I’m yelling at you and angry, that’s when I love you the most. Because I’m only upset at you because I care so much about you, and I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you. And sometimes the decisions you make have a potential to go terribly wrong and get you hurt, and that’s the part I get angry about. It’s that you don’t see sometimes how your plans or hunts could get you hurt, or the fact that you don’t care that you’d get hurt. That’s what makes me angry, the fact that you care so little about something I consider to be the best thing in the world.” Gabriel explained, smiling slightly.

“R-really?” Sam asked, red eyes peeking out from under the curtain of hair he had.

“Sammy.” Gabriel breathed, before crawling (carefully) into the bed with the hunter, sliding in behind him to wrap his arms around him, hugging him tight to his chest again, letting the hunter burry his head in the crook of his neck and let his tears out.

“Of course – I’ll love you forever.” Gabriel assured, kissing the top of the hunter’s head.

I’m sorry.

“Sorry for what?” Gabriel asked, petting his hair.

For scaring you. I promise it’ll never happen again.

“You promise, eh?” Gabriel questioned.

Sam sniffed and pulled his head out of the angel’s neck and nodded, holding the gaze with his puffy, red eyes.

“Good, because I don’t ever want this to happen again.”

“I- I promise – never again.” Sam agreed.

“Sammy, it’s not your fault.” Gabriel said, holding the gaze.

Sam shifted uncomfortably under the gaze and nodded.

Yeah, I know.

“It’s not your fault.” Gabriel repeated.

“Y-yeah, okay.” Sam agreed, looking down at the bed.

“It’s not your fault.”

Sam fiddled with his hands, and nodded again, eyes not meeting the angels.

“Hey – it’s not your fault.” Gabriel stated, grabbing the hunter’s chin, forcing him to look at him.

“Gabriel, stop.” Sam requested.

“It’s not your fault.” Gabriel continued.

“Gabriel, stop it.” Sam stated, slapping the angel’s hand away from his chin.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Stop it. Don’t – don’t you fuck with me.” Sam pleaded, eyes filling back up with tears.

“It isn’t your fault Sammy, it’s not.” Gabriel stated.

Such a broken sound escaped passed Sam’s lips that Gabriel thought he’d hurt him. Sam pulled Gabriel to him, holding onto him tightly, as if he would drown if he let him go and sobbed into his shirt. And for the second time that day Sam let himself break apart in front of the angel.

“Ssshhh, Sammy it’s okay.” Gabriel cooed, rubbing circles into his back.

“You’re okay, huh? You’re gonna be just fine baby.” Gabriel assured, kissing the top of his head.

They stayed like that (miraculously) until it was dark outside and Sam’s tears had dried, so he was just shaking in the arms of his husband.

Hey, Gabriel?


Why didn’t you just use your angel mojo to patch me up?

Because I knew how much you hated hospitals. Gabriel thought with a small smile.

“You ass.” Sam mumbled, but Gabriel could he the smile in his voice.

“So, whaddya say we blow this popsicle stand, hm?” Gabriel asked.

“The doctor said I could go home?” Sam asked surprised, taking his head off his angel to stare at him.

“Not exactly, but as you so eloquently put it – I’ve got angel mojo that could patch you up better than this dump.” Gabriel explained, his signature smirk in place.

“So then what are we still doing here? We’ve got movies to watch and popcorn to throw at each other.” Sam stated with a small laugh.

“See Sammy? The world’s not all bad.”

“Yeah, but there’s one thing I definitely didn’t think about.” Sam said.

“What’s that?”

“If I died, I wouldn’t have gone to Hell.”

Gabriel gave him a confused look and Sam just smiled.

“I would’ve stayed right here, having to put up with you.” Sam explained with a laugh.

“No, would’ve made sure you got stuck with being with our brothers.” Gabriel smiled.

“Oh God.” Sam replied, rolling his eyes.

“Guess it’s a good thing you found me when you did then.”

“Damn straight. Nobody needs to see that.”

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