Written: 14.07.11
Gen. Upset!Cas, Comforting!Dean
Castiel walked down the street with his heart in his stomach, he couldn’t possibly have been more humiliated if he’d shown up to work without his pants. Dean had told him this human thing was hard, but he didn’t expect it to be this hard. How was he supposed to go home and tell Dean that he’d gotten fired from the gas station? It was ‘the easiest possible job to get’ (in Dean’s words) and yet he’d still managed to screw it up.
How was he supposed to tell Dean? He’d surely kick him back out of the bunker…
Maybe I don’t have to tell him. Cas thought as he walked, kicking a stone as he went.
Of course you have to tell him! Don’t be stupid! He yelled at himself, not realizing his pace had increased.
He’s going to be so disappointed in me.
Cas swallowed thickly as he thought about the look Dean would give him. His head slightly tilted away, his eyes cast down, taking a deep breath and letting it out through his nose.
There was no way Cas could handle that look. He looked after the rock he’d kicked into the street, a frown on his face – he couldn’t even kick a rock right anymore. He kept walking, trying to pump himself up to tell Dean, telling himself that he could do it, he’d done worse, and other things along those lines.
By the time he’d reached the front door, he had done a pretty good job, and was actually feeling pretty good.
Now the only problem was turning his thoughts into reality. He opened the door with shaking hands and slipped in as quietly as he could, not wanting to get ambushed as soon as he got in the door.
Maybe I can make it to my room and buy myself some more time. Cas thought, silently walking down the hall, feeling as though his heart was trying to escape his chest.
He cursed human emotions as he walked, keeping his ears open so he’d be able to hear if Dean was around.
“Hey Cas.”
Cas jumped a foot in the air and turned around to see the taller Winchester standing behind him, looking confused, no doubt at the scare.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Sam stated, looking at him like he was analyzing him for a suitable cause as to why he’d be jumpy.
Cas hated it when he looked at him like that, made him feel like he really couldn’t hide anything from these two men. It made him feel all the more useless.
“It’s alright, Sam, you didn’t scare me.” Cas lied, giving him a tight smile and hoping that the other Winchester wasn’t close.
The most unusual thing Cas had learned from living with the Winchesters was that when one of them was near, the other wasn’t too far behind. It was almost as if spending their whole lives in tiny spaces had accustomed them to follow each other around like dogs. Most days, this amused the ex-angel, how he could call for one and not five minutes later both would be before him. Today, however, it just made him all the more anxious.
“Cas? You alright?” Sam asked, still searching him for some sort of answer with his eyes.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just tired, so if you’ll excuse me…” Cas said before turning around and hurrying down the hall, slamming his door shut behind him.
He let out a huge breath and allowed himself to lean against the door until his heart decided it in fact, did like the home it had and calmed down. He quickly changed out of his work clothes, throwing them in a pile on his floor, opting instead to wear his usual clothes. As he slid his arms into the trench-coat he felt himself relax a little more, now that he was in comfortable clothes, he felt slightly more ready to face the eldest Winchester.
He walked out of his room and right into the one his was still trying to avoid.
Damn it. Cas thought, taking a step back, even though he really didn’t want to.
Two things he was trying to hide from the eldest.
He was so screwed.
“Hey Cas.” Dean greeted him with a confused look.
“Hello Dean.” Cas replied, feeling something start sliding down his back.
“You seemed to be in a hurry.” Dean said, in true Dean fashion, wanting Cas to tell him without being questioned, even though this was pretty much the equivalent of him asking.
“Yes well, I’m just…” Cas trailed off, trying to think of a normal human reason to be rushing off someone except for wanting to avoid someone.
Just then, a weird noise cut into their conversation, making Dean chuckle and Cas to just get more confused.
“Say no more, I completely understand.” Dean stated, slinging an arm over Cas’ shoulders, leading him down the hall.
“Where are we going Dean?” Cas couldn’t help asking.
This just earned him another chuckle from the man as they walked. Cas frowned slightly; he was never going to be able to figure this human thing out if they didn’t tell him what he was feeling. Dean had led them into the kitchen, before pointing to a stool that was pulled out from the island they used as a table, silently telling the other man to sit.
Cas obliged and watched as Dean started swirling around the kitchen, from the fridge, to the stove and into cupboards and everything between. Cas was going to ask Dean what he was doing, and why it seemed he had to make so much noise doing it, when the youngest Winchester walked into the kitchen. Dean turned his head from the stove to see who it was, smiled, before turning back to whatever he was doing. Sam took the stool beside Cas and nodded to his brother.
Cas watched Sam watch Dean and noticed that the former was watching the latter with a look of awe and wonder, as if this was some foreign thing that he was captivated by. Although, with mostly running to diners and living in crap motel rooms, Cas could understand why it was treat to see Dean busying himself around a kitchen, with a strange look of fondness on his face, instead of his usual look of concentration.
“It reminds him of watching his mom.” Sam supplied, as if he could hear what Cas was thinking.
Cas nodded in acknowledgement and continued watching the eldest in fascination, not missing how Sam had said ‘his mom’ instead of ‘Mom’. That was something else Cas had begun picking up on, not only was it an unwritten rule to not mention Mary Winchester, but on the blue moon when she would be mentioned, Sam always referred to her as ‘his mom’ or John’s wife, he’d never once said ‘Mom’ in a way that included himself as her child. Before Cas fell, he had noticed this but never gave it much thought, as when he was an angel; there was always something more important going on.
“What?” Dean asked, turning slightly to look at the pair.
“Just said I hope whatever you’re making’s good.” Sam lied, making it look so easy.
Why couldn’t Cas do it as simple as him?
“Of course it’s gonna be good.” Dean scoffed, acting offended.
“Pretty cocky for someone who’d never cooked a day in his life.” Sam countered back, smiling.
“Hey! I’ve cooked!” Dean exclaimed.
“Yeah? When?” Sam asked, folding his arms over his chest and looking at his brother with his ‘I win’ look.
“Plenty of times! I was a pretty kick-ass cook back when-”
Dean’s face fell at the memory, swallowing thickly before turning back around to the stove. Cas tilted his head in confusion and looked to the other man, hoping for an explanation. Sam had uncrossed his arms and was looking at a spot on the floor, his jaw clenched like he was a kid who was getting in trouble.
“I don’t-”
“You finish the research?” Dean asked icily, cutting Cas off.
Sam closed his eyes but otherwise didn’t answer the question. He let a breath out through his nose before hopping off the stool and walking out of the room, looking two inches tall instead of his impressive 6’4”. Cas looked back to the eldest, who was still facing the stove, but had stopped cooking.
Cas could see how tense he was by his shoulders, his head hung down, no doubt his eyes closed while he cursed himself for something he thought he’d done wrong. If Cas was still an angel he’d be able to read his mind and find out, in the hopes of helping him, but now he could only ask and hope he didn’t lie or shut down, the way Cas had seen him do to other humans.
“Dean?” Cas asked, hating the tense silence, mostly because he didn’t understand why it was tense and wanting to help.
“Yeah Cas?” Dean asked back, sounding deflated as well.
Cas began to bite at his bottom lip, he wasn’t sure what to do, how to approach the subject, because he didn’t even know what the subject was, other than the fact that it was something both brother’s didn’t want to talk about.
That gave Cas that it was part of their past, but knowing that it was the Winchesters, it could be anything in their past.
He really, really hated not being an angel.
“Cas?” Dean asked, suddenly so close to the man that he could count his freckles.
“Sorry.” Cas apologize, going to take a step back, momentarily thinking he’d popped in too close to the eldest, as he often did, before falling off the stool.
Cas looked around with his head tilted, trying to find a reason as to why he was on the floor.
“You okay, man?” Dean asked, holding his hand out to help him stand up.
“Yes, I just forgot where I was for a moment.” Cas explained, taking the hand with his own.
A moment went by with the two of them just holding each other’s hands, Cas’ head tilted to the side in confusion, Dean with his eyebrows raised, expecting the new human to pull himself up.
“Cas?” Dean asked expectantly.
“Yes, Dean?” Cas replied, locking eyes with the man.
“You, uh, plan on keeping my hand? Or can I have it back?” Dean asked, his smirk making it’s way onto his face.
Cas looked back up to the hunter, confusion still evident in his eyes.
“Let go.” Dean stated, looking down to their hands.
The ex-angel followed his gaze and his eyebrows rose in surprise, as if he thought he had let go. He quickly let go and looked to the side, trying to hide his face from the hunter.
“Sorry.” Cas mumbled, feeling heat in his cheeks.
“It’s fine, I know it’s your first time.” Dean replied with a chuckle before going back to the stove.
“Hope your hungry Cas, ‘cause this is pretty awesome.” Dean stated, turning the burner off and taking out two plates.
“I’m sure it’s good Dean.” Cas replied, biting his lip.
He couldn’t just keep this to himself, Dean would be pissed if he found out he’d been keeping something as big as this from him.
The mentioned sat down, a giant grin on his face, before sliding Cas’ plate in front of him, complete with eating utensils (Cas smiled fondly as he remembered the first time he’d tried to eat with the hunters and they had all gotten their own food – the ex-angel hadn’t noticed either man grab a fork from the drawer and started eating with his hands until he realized both men were starring at him). Cas sent an appreciative smile toward the man and tried to think of the best way to bring up him losing his job.
“Dig in before it gets cold.” Dean stated, startling the ex-angel out of his thoughts.
Cas looked down at his plate of food, and picked his fork up carefully.
“What is it?” He asked, eyes flicking up to the hunter.
Dean looked up from his own food before laughing and shaking his head, going back to his food. Cas tilted his head in confusion – that surely wasn’t the response he thought he’d get from the hunter.
“So Cas, anything interesting happen today?” Dean asked, shoving a forkful of food into his mouth.
Cas felt something roll down his back again and almost dropped the fork as his hands got unexplainably wet. He gripped it harder and tried to think of something he could tell the hunter without making him suspicious.
“N-nothing interesting.” Cas stammered.
“Yeah like I’m gonna believe that.” Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“What happened? You get fired or something?” Dean joked, bumping his arm slightly.
Cas’ head shot up and he starred wide-eyed at the hunter, unable to think of a way to lie his way out of that. Dean looked at him and the smile slowly slid off his face as he noticed the man’s expression.
“Cas?” Dean asked in his ‘you better not lie to me unless you want me to beat the truth out of you’ voice.
“Yes?” Cas asked carefully, looking down at his food, avoiding the hunter’s eyes.
“Did you get fired today?” Dean questioned, sliding his stool closer.
“Why would you ask that?” Cas was stalling, and he knew that Dean knew it too.
If he could, he would’ve popped out of the room, via angel-air but unfortunately that was no longer an option.
“Because no one reacts like that to something unless they’re hiding something from someone.” Dean explained.
“You said that working at a gas station was the easiest job ever, how would you think I could get fired from the easiest job ever?” Cas asked, still avoiding his eyes.
“Cas.” Dean warned.
The ex-angel looked up and finally met the hunter’s eyes, slightly surprised at the pissed tone he’d heard. Sure he’d heard it before but it’d never been directed at him. Dean’s face softened a bit and he gave a small, sad smile before reaching forward and swiping something off Cas’ cheek.
I’m crying? Cas thought, feeling his cheeks flare up again for showing how stupidly weak he was.
He’s definitely going to kick me out now. Cas thought bitterly, looking down to the floor, not wanting to see the change from disappointment to disgust on his face.
“Cas.” Dean breathed before standing up.
Here it comes. Cas thought, body tensing at the yelling he was waiting for.
Before he could process what was happening, he felt himself be pressed up against something warm and firm. It took a moment before he realized that the thing he was pressed against was Dean’s chest.
He’s going for pity? He should just get it over with. Cas thought, staying just as still as he always had been.
“It’s okay Cas.” Dean mumbled into the shorter man’s hair.
For some reason the ex-angel felt himself relax into the soothing circles being rubbed into his back. Part of him was wondering what the hunter was doing, part of him didn’t care and another part of him was wondering why his shirt was wet.
It took a moment for him to realize that he was crying into Dean’s shoulder, soaking his shirt with tears he didn’t know he was shedding.
“Sh, Cas, it’s okay. It’s okay.” The hunter cooed, voice softer than he’d ever heard it.
“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Cas kept repeating, over and over, wishing he could just disappear.
He didn’t want to be here with the hunters anymore. They would definitely think he was weak now that he’d cried over losing a job. He was such an outcast he wondered why they bothered keeping him around at all. Now that he wasn’t angel he couldn’t fly them anywhere, or smoke enemies – he was just a baby in a trench coat.
After who-knows-how-long, Cas finally stopped crying into his shoulder, but they stayed in the position, even though the ex-angel was fairly certain that the position Dean was standing in couldn’t be comfortable, if anything it must’ve been hurting his back to hold the position for so long. Dean finally took Cas by the shoulders, holding him out at arms length, eyeing him with a concern he’d only ever seen be used to examine his brother.
“Dean?” Cas questioned, beginning to feel unnerved at how concerned the hunter looked.
“We’ll find you another job Cas, don’t worry about it.” Dean stated.
“Thank-you Dean, but I’m sure I’ll be able-”
“We’ll find you a job and get you back on your feet. As long as it takes.” Dean interrupted, still looking eerily concerned.
“Yeah, okay Dean.” Cas agreed, nodding his head slowly, wondering if something was wrong with the Winchester.
“I don’t ever want to hear that again you understand?” Dean demanded, suddenly sounding like his father.
“Hear what again?” Cas questioned, getting more confused the longer he talked.
“That you think we’d kick you out because you lost your job! You are not useless Cas! You kick serious ass!” Dean exclaimed, a proud smile splitting his face.
When did I…? Cas thought, looking curiously at the Winchester in front of him.
“Let’s just say you aren’t the only one who can read minds.” Dean winked, his smirk replacing the smile.
“Now” Dean clapped his hands and stepped back away from the ex-angel,
“Whaddya say I whip us up some burgers and we go watch Road Runner?” Dean asked, eyebrows raising suggestively at the man standing before him.
“But what about the…other food you made?” Cas asked, still not sure what he’d made.
Dean looked at the plates with a smile before grabbing them both and walking out of the kitchen, returning a few minutes later empty handed and grinning like an idiot.
“Burgers?”
“Dean, what did you do with the food?” Cas asked, nodding to answer his own question.
“Let’s just say Sammy got a little surprise.”
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