In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I’d put out the next Surprising Vegan article. I know that you can eat chips all year round, but since I already did a Halloween candy post, and chocolate one, with the addition of chips, you can have the most rockin’ Halloween party snacks around.
No more sitting in the corner crying because there’s ‘no vegan food’ – with this series, carnists have zero excuses.
In order starting from the top left corner, clockwise:
Neal Brothers Easy Rounders
Neal Brothers New Classics
Neal Brothers Pure Pink
Neal Brothers Pure Pink and Vinegar
Neal Brothers Sweet and Smoky BBQ
Neal Brothers Maple Bacon Forever
Neal Brothers Srirachup
Neal Brothers Deep Blue
Neal Brothers Deep Blue Flax
Sun Chips Original
Late July Resturant Sea Salt
Late July Resturant Lime
Late July Purple Corn
Late July Chia and Quinoa
Late July Cantina Dippers Blue Corn
Late July Cantina Dippers White Corn
Late July Sweet Potato
Late July Sea Salt
Late July Red Hot Mojo
Late July Sublime
Late July Bacon Habenero
Late July Jalapeno Lime
Late July Sriracha Fresca
Late July Blues
Late July Crispy Yellow Corn
Lays Oven Baked Original
Lays Salt and Vinegar (Blue Bag)
Lays Classic*
Doritos Ketchup
Doritos Sweet Chili Heat
Old Dutch Ketchup
Old Dutch Original
Ruffles All Dressed
Ruffles Original
Tostitos Multigrain
Tostitos Restaurant Style
Tostitos Scoops
Tostitos Rounds
Sensible Portions Garden Veggie Veggie Chips
Pringles Ketchup
Pringles Original
*Lays Classic is made with pork enzymes in the US, making them not vegan. However, in Canada they don’t, so they’re safe to consume. Check out the US listhere (at the time of writing, I’ve only been able to find a Canadian and US list, I’d suggest contacting the company for other specific countries)
This list (as well as this series) is always for Canadian ingredients – ingredients may differ (and therefore products may or may not be vegan) in differing countries. Please do your own research and look up the ingredients for specified foods for your own country.
This list also doesn’t mention all the marketed-as-vegan chips (like the Que Pasa Nacho chips – I recommend these btw, they’re so good!) as this is the Surprising Vegan series. If you Google ‘vegan ____’ tons of different options come up, but the point of this series is to find non-vegan-marketed foods that are safe for vegans to eat.
There are many instances where known vegan food might not be available, so it’s always great to have a list of foods that you know you can eat that may be easier/cheaper to find.
Check out the rest of the Surprising Vegan series here!
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As you may or may not know, my newest book, The Haunted Corpse is coming out October 18th.
Now that it’s crunch time, I’m going to focus all my efforts on releasing the book, so there will be no new content now until the 18th.
After the release, we’ll get back on track with Surprising Vegan Chips on Oct. 21st , and a Halloween fic on the 25th. Then it will be back to regularly scheduled posts every 2 weeks, until December 9th, which will be the last post of 2019.
I apologize again, but right now putting the book out is my number one priority.
I will still be posting on social media, etc. just no new content until the book release.
If you’d like to support me, please feel free to check out my other books, (perhaps drop a review?) and by getting excited with me for the newest release!
The Haunted Corpse is going to be not only my longest book to date, but it’s also my first non-collection book. (My first book that is just 1 continuous story.) It’s a dark fantasy and is the first story I wrote way back in gr. 8 when I first started seriously considering becoming an author. I can’t wait for you guys to get your hands on it!
If you want a little preview, part of it is in First Try, though I’ve since changed/added some elements to it.
You’ve just finished writing this amazing novel, and are so pumped to get it out and into the world. All your dedication, time and energy has been poured into this baby of yours, and you want nothing more then to see it flourish.
Now there’s only one problem: It needs a cover.
But, you’re a writer, you don’t know how to design a book cover! You can barely crop an image in Photoshop – maybe you don’t even have Photoshop. And you definitely can’t shell out a bunch of money to hire somebody design it for you. (There’s a reason ‘starving artist’ is the phrase and not ‘stuffed artist’)
Well, today’s your lucky day – you’ve found the beginnings of an article series I’m just starting to help people exactly in your shoes learn how to make a cover.
No, I didn’t take any marketing courses, nor do I have any formal training. I took a Media Arts class in gr. 10 and learned how to use Photoshop. However, I was requested by JD Stanley to help with their book covers. Before I helped, JD could barely erase a background. Oh, and I made all my own covers, too. (Not to mention the book posters and collages on this website)
Bottom line, I’m not professionally trained – but I know my way around enough to do things myself. It was actually JD who told me I could start this series! (Seriously, some of JD’s questions boggled my mind – what do you mean you don’t know how to zoom in?)
Fear not, I’ll be giving you the low-down throughout the next few months on how you too can not-suck at using Photoshop.
Let’s start at the very beginning: Making a New Document.
Step 1: Do you have Photoshop? If not, you should go download it. (I use CS6, so if you have a newer/older version some details may differ) If you already have it, you’re part-way there!
Step 2: Open Photoshop. (… Double click on the desktop icon)
Step 3: Go to File listed in the top menu and select New from the drop-down menu.
Step 4: In the box that popped up, give your file a name. I just chose to keep it simple.
Tip: PHSH = short form for Photoshop. From here on out, I’ll be referring to the program by the short form, because it’s faster to type.
You’ll also want to set the dimensions. My dimensions are set to 1920×1080 (pixels) by default because I was taking screen-shots of myself opening PHSH for this tutorial. You can make the dimensions however big/small you want. You also don’t have to use ‘pixels’ as the unit of measure. I typically use inches. I would suggest you make your dimensions 10x10in for simplicity.
Also, if your Resolution is set to 72px by default, you’ll most likely want to change it to 300px – this will make the image clearer.
Once you do this, click the Okay button.
Step 5: Now that this is done, you should see a white page that’s to your specified dimensions. This is your document size.
If you can’t see the edges of your document, you might be zoomed in. Hold down CTRL and press the minus button (beside the 0 on the keyboard) to Zoom Out. Zoom Out until you can see the edges of the document. This will make working easier.
Congratulations, you just made your first PHSH file! That wasn’t so hard, was it?
Alright, now I’ll be going through the Tools on the Toolbar that are listed down the left-side of the program.
This first one is the Pointer/Mouse function. It does exactly what you’d think – let’s you use your mouse as normal within the document. Allows you to click on different things, etc. You’ll be switching back to this a lot while you work, so it’s important you know what it does.
Next you have the Selection Tool. This allows you to make a selection around a certain part of an image, cut/crop/copy and/or protect a section of a picture from being Erased.
Actually, wait, I’m not gonna go through all the tools right now – I forgot a step. To show you what some of these tools do, you’re gonna need a picture!
Okay, so to Insert a Picture into a document:
Step 1: First, I want you to right click on the image below, and select Save Image As… from the menu. Give it a name, and save it to your Desktop, for simplicity.
Step 2: Now you have the image, go back up to File, and this time, instead of clicking ‘New’, click on Open.
This should bring you to your Desktop. Click on the image I just had you save, and then hit ‘Open’. This will open the image in a new PHSH document.
See those tabs? Anytime you have more then 1 PHSH file open, you’ll be able to switch between them by clicking on the tabs.
Step 3: Okay, now we have the image, and our blank document. You’re gonna want to move the picture to the new document.
To do this, you’ll want to click on the tab that’s the picture, and drag it off the line, a little to the left. Then let go – this makes the file open in a new PHSH window. (If you’ve ever accidentally opened a link in a new Window instead of Tab on your browser, it’s exactly the same as that, but in PHSH. If you haven’t done that, don’t worry.)
Now, click on the image itself, not the tab, and drag the image into the blank document. Let go once it’s there, and you should see a New Layer with the image was created in your blank document (which should now have the picture)
Now that we have the image in our document, you can Exit the image that’s still open in the window – we don’t need it anymore.
To center the image, click on Layer 1 (if it’s highlighted in Blue that layer is already selected) then, go back to your image, and drag it down into the document until it’s centered.
And that’s how you move a picture into your PHSH file!
Okay, now that we’ve covered that, I’ll be going back to some of the Tools.
I’ll go back to showing you the Select Tool.
Now that we have an image, I’m going to show you how to erase part of the image. (Especially because the PHSH pictures inside a PHSH picture is starting to confuse me, so we’re gonna fix that)
Okay, first: See the Rulers that are around the edges of the file? Click and drag down from the top Ruler – a turquoise/green line should now be on the document – this is called a Guideline. If you don’t have Rulers showing, go up to View and click on the Ruler option listed. (There should now be a check mark next to the option – this means it’s turned on)
You’ll want to drag this Guideline to the edge of the image we centered. Then, go back up to the top, and drag another one to the bottom. Drag two more Guidelines out from the left-side Ruler, so now the image should be completely boxed in by the Guidelines.
Now that you have your Guidelines in place, go over to the Toolbar, and click on the Select Tool.
Click and drag the outline box to the dimensions of the Guidelines. (It might ‘snap’ once you get close to the lines, that’s okay) Let go, and now you should see a dotted box along the Guidelines.
Right-click in the Selected box/Guideline area, and select the Select Inverse option. You should notice that now there’s a bigger perforated box outlining the whole picture.
Now comes the less confusing part. Go back to your Toolbar, and select the Eraser tool.
Now that you’ve got the Eraser selected, click and drag your mouse (exactly how you used to do it in Paint) around the image, and you’ll begin erasing the outer-part, without touching the part we selected before. Because we inverted the selection, the part we want to keep is safe, and you’ll only erase the outside of the image, regardless of if your mouse touches the part we want to keep.
(Your background colour is hopefully white instead of red, don’t mind that. It’s typically white)
Continue erasing until just the middle part remains.
Now, go back up to the Select tool, right-click again on the image, and this time click on Deselect. Now the selected box is gone, you’re left with only the image. To get rid of the Guidelines, you can just drag them back up into the Rulers and they’ll disappear. (Make sure you switch from the Select tool back to the Mouse tool)
Now that we’ve erased the background, we need to change the dimensions of the document, to get rid of all the white space.
To do this, (the easiest way) is to drag the picture to the top left corner, and then place two Guidelines at the bottom and to the right of the image, taking note of the dimensions.
Once you’ve made a note of the Guideline dimensions, go to the menu at the top and click on Image, then go down to Canvas Size.
In the Canvas Size box, you’ll be able to change the dimensions of your canvas. Type in the dimensions you got from the Guidelines (mine were 3.89cm x 7.21cm) and click Okay.
Don’t freak out – your picture is still here! The canvas size shrunk, so now it’s outside of the canvas size. Using your Mouse tool, drag the image to be centered on the canvas again, and this time, it should be a perfect fit, with no white background showing.
The last step always: SAVE.
We’ll be saving two versions of the file. The first being a .psd or Photoshop file. Saving your work this way allows you to keep all the layers separate. This is especially handy should you need to return to the image later to edit it further. I usually label these saved files as ‘Whatever Project I’m Working On UNFlattened’ so at a glance, it’s faster to know which file is which.
The second version you’ll be saving as, is either a .png or a .jpeg. These are picture files that condense all the layers to be 1 image. These are usually the images that end up on websites, as profile pictures, and, most importantly, the ones allowed to be uploaded for your book cover. Amazon may also require a PDF version, you do it in exactly the same way, except instead of selecting PNG or JPEG from the list, you select PDF.
And there you have it! You now know how to make a new file, crop images, and save in a few different formats. That’s the most basic aspect of PHSH skills you’ll need.
Lastly, I’ll go through a few of the tools you’ll probably use the most.
I’ve already shown you the Mouse, Select and Eraser tool.
Because I don’t want this tutorial to go on too much longer, I’ll just go through the rest of Tools in point form.
Eye-Dropper – This allows you to ‘pick up’ a sample of colour from one part of the file, and use it elsewhere. You’ll notice when you use the Eye dropper, the colour you picked up is now in the Colour Swatches, allowing you to easily use the colour elsewhere in the document.
Paint-Bucket – Exactly what it used to do in Paint. It fills the entire area with whatever colour you select. (If you have it within a closed shape, it will only fill in the closed shape, not the whole canvas)
Blur/Sharpen/Smudge – Again, these do exactly as the name implies. They Blur, Sharpen and/or Smudge the picture. You can change the size of them similar to the Eraser tool. This is especially handy if say, you’re erasing a hair line, and need to not make the edges of hair so defined. (You would blur them slightly to make it look un-erased)
Dodge/Burn/Sponge – I’m not entirely sure what the Dodge or Sponge part of the this tool does (when I used the Dodge tool last, it made the picture turn a grey-er colour), but the Burn tool burns the picture like a lighter. Handy if you want to make the edges of an image appear burned, or if you want to blacken/darken the image as a whole.
Type – Allows you to add text to the picture. This is what I used to add the text on the images used in this tutorial.
Shape – Allows you to add different shapes to the canvas: Square, Rectangle, Line, etc.
Colour Squares – This is where it tells you what colours you’re currently using. The small arrow above the bigger boxes, will switch whatever colours you’re using currently to black and white.
Alight, I know that was a lot of info to take in, so take a breath – you made it all the way to end! Also, I’m sure that wasn’t nearly as daunting a task as you first thought it’d be. PHSH is funny like that, it’s such a big program, and there are a lot of different elements to it – at first glance it’s definitely intimidating. But it doesn’t need to be. All those different elements just mean you can make some kick-ass pictures with it!
I hope you enjoyed this intro to the world of PHSH, and feel free to practice and play around with the program a bit, that’s how I learned some of the stuff I know.
Next time, I’ll show you a very handy way to scale images without distorting them. You can look for that April 8th.
Like this article? Check out the rest of the tutorial series here!
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Vegan Stop is a new online fully vegan grocer for Canada who had reached out ‘to some of Toronto’s vegan leaders’ via Instagram on Feb. 1st to let me know they had just opened their online store veganstop.ca.
I was very pleasantly surprised to find this message because a) they think I’m a vegan leader in Toronto? That’s so cool! And b) they actively sought me out and wanted me to check them out? Double cool!
I was also excited to try out a vegan grocer specific for Toronto ever since V Word Market closed. Vegan Supply is a bit too far for me to order from.
Needless to say, I did check them out, and I’m here to share my experience with you guys.
*Disclaimer: this post is in no way sponsored by Vegan Stop*
I checked out their website that same day, and found it very easy to navigate. They even have a Search by Brand option which is a very handy addition. That first day, I went for some ‘classic’ premade vegan food brands: Daiya, Tofurky, Gardein and Earth Balance. (I had just been searching for Earth Balances Cheese Square crackers the previous week and really wanted to find them)
As expected, since it was the first day they launched, they didn’t have very many products for each brand, and they didn’t have Tofurky products at all.
I asked them about it, and they told me that they were expected to get the Tofurky products in over the weekend. I decided to wait to place my order until after that. I also gave them a few suggestions for the website, and as a thank-you they gave me my own special discount code, for which I’m very grateful!
I checked out their FAQ’s, and was again pleasantly surprised to see that they said that they aimed to have mostt orders out same day, or within 24 hours. Again, this was a huge plus for me, as other vegan online places took anywhere from a few days to 1-2 weeks to deliver. I also loved that they are strictly Canadian (for now, at least).
About a week or so later, I went back to the site, and again used the Search by Brand option. (I really love being able to search a store this way) I immediately scrolled down and found Tofurky, eager to see which products they had. To my disappointment, they only had deli slices, no sausages. (Not hating, I just wanted the sausages)
I went over to Daiya and saw that while they didn’t have the Monterey Jack Block (my favourite block of Daiya, and hardly anyone has them anymore!) they did have the Alfredo sauce! I was sold as soon as I saw that and decided to get some stuff to make alfredo pasta. I headed over to Gardein and got some Beefless Tips, figuring I could probably use them in place of the Tofurky sausages for the pasta.
I also got Gardein 7 Grain Crispy Tenders and Amy’s Kitchen Alphabet Soup (another one of my fav products). I didn’t want to get too many things in the first order until I saw what the shipping would be, and how long the order would take.
I went to the Check Out page and again was happy to see they accepted Paypal. (You wouldn’t believe how many places I can’t order from because they don’t accept Paypal)
The Check Out process was very easy to navigate – on par with the rest of the site – and I was glad to see that shipping was only $9!
Their prices are cheaper then I’ve found at other places as well. For example, the Gardein Beefless Tips and 7 Grain Tenders are $4.49 each, compared to $5.99 at Vegan Supply.
The Alfredo Sauce is $8.49, compared to $9.49 at Vegan Supply as well.
And, perhaps the best price difference: Daiya pizzas are $8.99, which is a whole dollar off from other places I’ve seen them for $9.99, or even $10.99!
Altogether, using the discount code, my order was $20.51, which, is a much smaller bill then it would’ve been elsewhere. And, that was the total including the shipping price.
Buying the exact same items at Vegan Supply, the same bill came to $23.17, not including shipping. Their cheapest shipping option was $16.83. That would’ve made my grand total $39.80 for the same order, and Vegan Supply didn’t even have the Amy’s soup! They also require you to purchase cold packs for refrigerated/frozen items, which are $1.50 each.
That’s a $19.29 difference for the same food, and, it would’ve been slower delivery.
That’s crazy!
I strongly urge you to check Vegan Stop out. They’re still new, so there may still be a few bumps in the road, but for that price difference? It’s definitely worth it.
I am very happy to have this new online grocer, and am looking forward to becoming a regular customer.
You don’t have to get up early every morning, deal with rush hour, you’re your own boss, you get to work on your schedule. What could be better, right?
Wrong.
It’s not all sunshine and good times. Working from home is actually a giant pain in the ass. It’s one of those things you love-hate. On the one hand it can get pretty stressful/hectic, especially because you’re trying to do everything, but on the other there is no way in hell you would trade the stress for a ‘regular’ 9-5. I’m not saying it can’t be great, but there is much more to it then what meets the eye.
Below are my Top 5 pro’s/con’s of working from home:
#1: You’re Your Own Boss
This is absolutely the number one best and worst thing about working from home. Being your own boss means you don’t have anybody to answer to. Sure, this means that if you forget a deadline you won’t get yelled at, and you have the freedom to move said deadline to whatever you want. But the flipside is: you have no one to answer to.
Nobody’s going to hold you accountable for missing a post, not writing an article, skipping a day because you’re bored/lazy/just don’t want to. There’s nobody else writing articles for you, scheduling your social media – basically nobody’s there to save your ass. If you aren’t doing it it’s not getting done. No matter how much you wish it would do it by itself, you have to dedicate a bit of time to everything in order to keep things running. And, trust me, when you really sit down and start trying to plan all the things you want to accomplish, things can get stressful very fast. I’m not saying it’ll all fall apart and all your readers will leave if you miss one post, but they’ll at least be disappointed if it doesn’t come.
Think that doesn’t apply because you’re just starting out and don’t have anyone looking at your stuff? Not quite. If you’re just starting out, sure it can be tempting to not post if you don’t feel like it because nobody’s watching, but if you want to grow and get people to start looking at your stuff, you’re gonna have to post at least somewhat consistently.
#2: It’s Hard To Detach
Another big con is that since you’re already home, it might take you longer to get out of Work Mode. Also, since you work from home, even when you do decide to relax/shut it down for the night/take a day off, the temptation is always there, and you might find yourself feeling guilty during your days off for ‘slacking off’. It’s tempting to say, ‘my laptop/notebook, etc is just upstairs/in the other room, I should be working, not wasting time doing nothing.’This is something I’m certainly guilty of.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m a writer or what, but I always feel like I’m ‘on’ anyway, whether it’s scanning crowds of people for character descriptions, accidentally listening a bit too hard to that conversation on the subway for a funny line I could put in a story, or running over whatever plot-line I’ve been stuck on when I’m supposed to be not thinking about work – I feel like writers/singers/artists are in a weird state of limbo between working and not working that ‘regular people’ just don’t understand. Our jobs while amazing, make it hard to truly turn off Work Mode.
We’re constantly scanning our life for inspiration, which makes it hard to truly be done at 5pm like most other jobs. Most other jobs you go to the office, work on whatever and then punch out at a certain time. For artists that’s not really an option. It also makes it hard to find the line between ‘I’ve worked enough today’ and ‘I should be cramming as much work as I possibly can into each day because I work from home’.
Is there any fix for this? Not really. It’s always gonna be hard to detach from work, but one thing that might help is trying to put some sort of organization/structure to your work.
For example, I post on my website every two weeks, on Fridays and Mondays, so I try to break up my weeks like this:
Week 1 (Non-Post Week)
Search for/work on freelance work
Begin new articles/stories for next week
Finish at least 2 (other) short stories/articles (to throw in The Vault [so their ready for other weeks])
Work on upcoming novel/books
Think/Begin new designs for merch
Schedule posts for social media (usually done on weekends)
Week 2 (Post Week)
Make sure article/short story for this week are done
Schedule posts for respective days
Finish merch design/s from previous week and add to store
Keep working on/finish other short stories/articles from last week
Schedule social media posts
If you give yourself some sort of structure like this, it should help ease your guilt when you decide to call it a day, because then you can at least say you ticked off everything you wanted to get done. If you organize everything you need/want to get done, it can also help manage your stress, instead of trying to do everything at once, once you write it all out, you can sort it into whatever you feel are your top priorities and work on those first.
And, this of course you should make sure to schedule days off for yourself as well. I like to keep it simple, and stick with having the weekends ‘off’. (I do ‘easy’ stuff on these days, like photoshop) You can’t constantly be working all day every day – seriously, look it up, it’s bad for your health. Make sure to cut yourself a break every once in a while. You’re the boss, you’re allowed. (Just don’t give yourself too many days off)
#3: Ignoring The People Around You
In this same line of reasoning, with it being hard to detach, it’s not just hard on you. The people around you can feel jaded when you’re constantly blowing them off to work, or, if they work all day, come in and you’re still working. It can feel like you’re actively ignoring them in favour of work. While that might not be your intention, it can (and will) start to wear on those around you if you can’t find a dedicated ‘stopping time’.
I personally have had conversations with the people in my life about this issue. Now that it’s been brought to my attention, I try not to do that, but it’s not always that simple. Sometimes it’s hard to stick to my self-imposed ‘quitting time’, especially if I’m on a writing roll, or, if it’s someone’s day off. That’s when I feel really guilty.
Also, I feel like sometimes they assume since you work from home and you can do it whenever, (especially when you’re just starting out) and they might not see why it’s so important this thing gets done on a certain day. Stick to your guns on this. Sit them down and explain why this is important, and what you need from them first.
While it’s tempting to give in, it’s also important you talk to the people around you so they understand exactly why you have to do things the way you say, and why it’s important you don’t skip the work days.
#4: You Can Focus On What You Want
A giant plus of being your own boss? You get to push your blog/business in whatever direction you want. You want to write about why puppies aren’t really that cute? You can. Why ‘not all men’ say ___? Go for it. You don’t really like cake? Sure, that works too.
One of the biggest pro’s is that you don’t have to write/focus/dedicate your time to someone else’s vision/dream – it’s all you all the time. Whether or not you’re 100% sure of where you’re going doesn’t matter, as long as you’re pushing forward.
Nobody likes writing about a topic they don’t like (or worse, have the opposite view-point on) and working from home gives you the freedom to write what you want, how you want.
#5: You Can Work In Your PJ’s
Definitely one of my favourite things in life is getting to get up and not have to wear any uncomfortable ‘work’ clothes to get my sh*t done. Nobody sees me so if I don’t wanna get dressed? No problem, I can type in just about anything, pj’s included.
I don’t recommend doing this all the time, but every once in a while it’s nice to literally roll out of bed and then get to work. I usually do this once every few Fridays, since it’s the end of the week, it’s kind of like my version of Casual Fridays. It also helps to get some of the stress of the rest of the week out of my head. Pj’s are comfy, so they fit perfectly with the ‘do some work’ vibe I get on Fridays, instead of the ‘try to do everything in the universe’ of the rest of the week.
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Title based on the line from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Finished: 17.10.23
Words: 2,271
NFF, 2017’s Halloween Fic
“Damn it!”
She kicked the car out of frustration and sighed, running her hands through her hair, of all the days, you decide to crap out on me now? She pulled her phone out of her pocket and held it up, searching for a signal.
“Great, that’s just great,” she pocketed the device before looking up and down the stretch of road she was on.
There was nothing but trees on either side, and she couldn’t see anything past the giant hill up ahead. She began walking up the road, the same way she was driving and pulled her jacket tighter against her chest, this is literally how every horror movie starts.
After a few minutes of walking, she saw a truck appear over the edge of the hill. Please don’t stop, please don’t stop… the truck slowed as it approached her, and the driver’s window rolled down, of course.
“Excuse me, Miss? Need a lift?”
Damn, he’s cute,and that accent… she gave the stranger a once over, No! Focus, girl, focus. On the one hand, he might actually want to help, but on the other, her eyes darted to the bed of the truck, wishing she was two inches taller, he could be a serial killer or something…
“Ma’am?” He leaned out the window a bit, eyebrows knitting together in concern.
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach at his voice, making her dip her head so he missed her blush.
Fuck it.
She brought her gaze back to his face and smiled, “Sorry.”
He’s too cute to be a serial killer.
“Do you happen to know where the closest mechanic shop is?” she pointed back over her shoulder, “My car broke down.”
He followed her finger before turning back, “Looks like it’s your lucky day,” he started his truck and drove the few feet forward, stopping again beside her car.
“Hey!” She jogged after him, what the hell is he doing?
She watched as he jumped out of his truck, before striding over to her car, lifting the hood.
“What, uh, what are you doing?” She kept a small distance between them, just in case.
He shut the hood and smiled at her, “I’m the only mechanic in town,” he began hooking her car up to the back of his truck.
“…Really?”
“Yep, I was just on my way out to get a few parts,” he went to the passenger side of his truck, wrenching the door open before looking to her, “How lucky is that?”
“Hey, where are you?” You hear one of the boys yell from the front door.
“I’m on the couch!” You yell back, punctuating it with a cough.
You hear some shuffling around and the scrape of him taking his boots off before you see a head poke in the doorway. Well, more like a mop of hair popped itself into the doorway.
Guess that means I know whose back. You thought, coughing again as you chuckled.
“Hey, how’re you feeling?” Sam asked, stepping into the room to come sit beside you on the couch.
“I’m really good, actually.” You lied, with fake enthusiasm.
He nodded and hugged you, almost cutting your limited air supply off.
“You don’t have to be strong, for us. I know it must be a bitch.” Sam said, holding you out by the shoulders, studying your face.
“No, really, I’m feeling better.” You stated, trying to look at him with your ‘I’m not lying’ face.
“How could you call her a bitch?” Dean exclaimed, walking into the room, looking at his brother with a smirk.
“I didn’t!” Sam exclaimed, eyes going wide under his hair.
“I believe that Dean is what is commonly referred to as ‘teasing’ you, Sam.” Cas stated, popping into the room right behind Dean.
“Damn it Cas!” Dean swore, jumping slightly.
“I apologize Dean, it’s hard for me to gage how close to others I will be when popping into a room that is so…small.” Cas explained, looking around the tiny space, as if in wonder.
Dean glared at the angel before walking over to sit on the arm of the couch that your head wasn’t on. Sam was looking at Cas like he still hadn’t gotten used to the angel randomly popping in on them (which made you laugh because it had only been seven years). You moved to push yourself up on the couch, so you weren’t taking up all the space, when Sam put his hand on your chest, pushing you back down slightly.
“You shouldn’t try to move yet, you’re still in a lot of pain.” He explained, gently taking his hand off you when he’d noticed Dean’s eyebrow’s shoot up.
“No I’m not.” You protested, but allowed yourself to be pushed back down anyway.
“Cas, can’t you just angel mojo it away or something?” Dean asked, clearly not liking that you were injured for so long.
“Dean, we’ve already been over this, I can’t heal this type of wound. If I were to intervene it would possibly make it worse.” Cas explained, taking a couple steps closer to you.
“Wait, when did you go over this? And why haven’t I heard about it?” You asked, looking between the boys around you.
Sam looked down in guilt, Dean looked away, starring at the off T.V like it was the most interesting thing on the planet, and Cas just tilted his head in confusion, being the only one who didn’t take his eyes off you.
“You didn’t explain the complications?” He questioned, eyes flicking up to Dean.
“No, they didn’t. I was told you were too busy with the war and being hunted to have time to pop by.” You informed the angel through gritted teeth, sitting up against the arm of the chair, none of the boys noticing.
“Dean, why would you keep something as important as that from someone?” Cas asked, still seriously confused.
“Yeah Dean, why would you keep that from me?” You questioned, glaring at the hunter.
“It’s not just my fault – Sam could’ve said something about it too!” Dean defended, looking up to the angel with daggers.
“Hey!” Sam cried, looking up to his brother in shock.
“Don’t give me that, you know you could’ve and you didn’t, so I shouldn’t be getting all the blame for this.” Dean stated, standing up.
“At least I only found out this morning!” Sam yelled back, also standing.
“Were you going to tell me Sam?” You asked, curling yourself slightly closer to the back of the couch – sometimes you forgot how giant those boys were until they got angry.
“You did not! I saw you talking to Cas a week ago!” Dean accused, crossing his arms over his chest.
Sam’s face suddenly drained and he took a step away from his brother. He momentarily turned to flick his eyes over to the aforementioned angel before looking back at his brother and swallowing thickly.
“Y-you saw us talking or you heard us talking?” Sam stuttered, voice losing it’s menacing tone, making him sound like a frightened kid.
“What’s the difference?” Dean asked confused, his anger disappearing as well.
“Uh – nothing.” Sam replied quickly, eyes shifting down to look at the floor.
“Sam?” Dean questioned, eyes narrowing.
Sam turned his back to his brother, which you assumed meant he was heading toward the door to leave the room, when the angel popped up in front of him. Sam jumped back slightly surprised at the sudden occupied space in front of him.
“Sam, I think it’s time to tell them.” Cas informed, his gravely voice making it almost unnecessary for him to attempt to whisper.
You turned yourself around slightly, resting your arms on the back of the couch so you could continue to watch the action before you, regardless of the sharp pull from your injury.
One thing that continued to surprise you was that even though you’d been with the trio for a fair amount of time, mostly everything they did seemed like it was being done in a movie-esque way, as if begging for someone to swoop in and capture it on film.
“Yeah Sam, I think it’s time you tell me.” Dean piped up, his angry stare back now that he knew his brother had been keeping something from him.
Sam’s head went down and even though you couldn’t see, you just knew he’d closed his eyes. Cas dipped his head, as if wanting to get the hunter to look at him before placing a hand on his shoulder and his face softened immensely, conveying the most emotion you’d ever seen from the angel. Sam lifted his head up to meet the angel’s eyes and they seemed to be having a conversation in their heads before the hunter nodded reluctantly and turned back to face you and his brother.
Cas dropped his hand off Sam’s shoulder but let it dangle dangerously close to his hand, their fingers just barely brushing against each other.
“Sam, what have you been keeping from me?” Dean demanded, clearly getting sick of the wait.
“It’s really not that big of a-”
“Just tell me damn it!” Dean yelled, stomping closer to his brother, looking ready to punch him.
Suddenly, Cas was between the two brothers, oddly enough protecting Sam from the one person who was sworn to protect him. You looked between the boys, not sure if you should try and intervene or not, although considering that was how you got injured in the first place, you were leaning more toward not bothering to step in. You gasped in pain and doubled over slightly, clutching at your side as you felt new, cool waves of liquid start to seep out of it.
“Dean,-” Sam was cut off by your gasp of pain.
You doubled over slightly, clutching at your side as you felt new, cool waves of liquid start to seep out of it, gritting your teeth, still trying to not show them how injured you actually were.
“Damn it!” Dean swore, running out of the room, hopefully to grab the first aid kit.
“Hey, hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re gonna be fine.” Sam muttered, suddenly taking up the space in front of you, one of his giant hands on your shoulders.
All you could do was nod back in response, and try to keep the tears from falling down your face. Cas was suddenly beside Sam, his one hand on your other shoulder, the only way he’d figured out how to comfort a person. You pressed your hands harder into your side, and gave the boys a weak smile.
Dean strode back into the room, holding a few towels and the first aid kit. He glared at his brother, getting Sam to move, however slightly.
“Sammy, I’m gonna need more room than that if I’m gonna patch it up.” Dean ground out, obviously impatient.
“Why don’t I stitch it back up?” Sam offered, holding his hands out to receive the items.
“Damn it Sam! We don’t have time for this!” Dean exclaimed, throwing the items down before stomping back out of the room.
“I will go make sure he doesn’t do anything he’ll regret.” Cas stated before disappearing, leaving you alone with the youngest.
“I’m gonna need to move your hands away so I can get a good look at it, okay?” Sam asked, looking at you cautiously.
“Of course.” You replied, taking your hands away slowly, trying to hide your wince.
You absolutely hated how he was still the only one walking on eggshells around you, it wasn’t even his fault and yet he felt guilty. If any of them should be feeling guilty, it should’ve been the eldest, not the one who’d patched it up in the first place.
He pulled your shirt up slowly, watching your face for any signs of additional pain, which you had to admit was starting to piss you off – he should know by now that you weren’t a freakin’ china doll! You could take a hit – from Dean no less and not be reduced to a pile of tears, they needed more faith in you than they did.
“Sam, I’m fine. Just stitch it up so Dean can come back.” You stated, with a small smile.
“You want Dean to come back? Last I checked you liked it better when he wasn’t around.” Sam stated, raising an eyebrow as he set to work, wiping away the blood with one of the towels.
“Well, I’d rather have him in here than trashing some place else.” You reasoned, watching his hands to avoid looking at his face.
You knew that instead of what you’d actually said, he’d heard, ‘I’d rather have him take it out on me then something that doesn’t deserve it.’ Which bugged the hell out of you – you had gotten way to close to these boys.
“You know Cas and I wouldn’t let that happen.” He replied, eyes flicking up to your face.
“Speaking of you and Cas, were you actually going to tell him?” You asked, hoping to change the subject.
Sam let out a small laugh at that as he put the towel down and shook his head, picking up the needle.
“I was thinking about it, but Cas doesn’t want to tell him, he knew how pissed he’d be. So no, we’re not gonna tell him yet.” Sam answered, beginning to stitch your wound up.
“Of course he’s gonna be pissed but the longer you wait to tell him, the more pissed he’ll be. I’d say to get it over with and bear the enraged monster now.” You stated, with a small smile.
“I’m an enraged monster now, am I?” Dean asked, walking back into the room.
You looked up to him, still smiling as you pretended to give him a once over, before nodding, earning you a pillow to the head.
“Hey! I’m not done stitching yet!” Sam cried with a laugh, throwing the pillow back to his brother.
“Well hurry it up, Bitch. We got stuff to do.” Dean replied, his smirk returning.
Sam just shook his head and went back to stitching you up. You looked at his face, trying to gauge if he would reply but it became evident he wouldn’t.
“Jerk.”
Sam’s head shot up and Dean’s eyes widened as they both looked at you, jaws agape.
“What? Sam wasn’t going to say because he was busy, so I figured I’d fill in.” You shrugged, smiling at their matching expressions.
The brother’s looked to each other, expressions staying the same before looking back to you again. You started laughing at their faces – for men who claimed to only deliver bad news, they sure knew how to make someone laugh.
“What kind of stuff do we have to do?” Sam asked, slowly pulling your shirt back down and putting the needle away.
“We gotta talk about how long you’ve been dating a certain angel.” Dean deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest.
Sam looked up to his brother again, trying to see if he was serious or not.
“I haven’t been dating an angel Dean. Who told you that?” Sam asked, standing up and moving away to throw the bloody towels away.
“Doesn’t matter who told me. What matters is I know.” Dean stated.
“What does Dean know?” Cas asked, almost falling over the arm of couch as he popped in.
“Dean says someone told him I’ve been dating an angel.” Sam explained, throwing the towels away before walking back to sit on the coffee table.
“Did he say who?” Cas asked again, looking to the mentioned Winchester.
“Doesn’t matter who told me, what matters is I know.” Dean repeated, looking to the angel.
“Should this not wait until one of us isn’t seriously injured?” Cas suggested, taking a few steps so he was standing in front of you.
“I’m fine.” You replied automatically.
Cas gave you an ‘oh please’ look that would’ve been comical if not for the growing tension in the room.
“Cas is right, we can sort this out after we take of this.” Sam nodded, putting a hand on your knee.
Dean looked at the three of you before sighing and visibly deflating, nodding as he gave in.
“Fine, but I’m so kicking your ass after.”
“Deal.”
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“Hey,” Dean greeted you at the door with a thousand watt smile and a kiss, “how was your last day? You excited to be done?”
You shrugged your bag off and rolled your eyes at his enthusiasm, “I’m not done-done, I just finished this year.”
“Still,” he pulled you into his arms and squeezed you to his chest, “I’m proud of you, Sweety.”
“Okay, geez,” you snorted with laughter and lightly pushed against him, “can we be done with the mushiness?”
“Done-done or just done for this year?”
“Oh ha-ha,” you tried to step back again without success, “Dean, I need to shower.”
“Excellent,” he swung you around in a circle, expertly getting your feet off the ground and began walking you over to the bathroom.
“D-Dean, wh…,” you cut off your question to protest as he threw you up in the air, “No-no-no-no-no,” he caught you just in time for you to hit his arm, “Don’t do that!”
“Oh, c’mon, you know I’d never drop you.”
“Oh?”
“Of course, you’re too adorable.”
“Why do you always do that?”
“I just like when you hold me tighter,” he winked and kicked the bathroom door closed, placing you down on the counter beside the sink.
“Yeah, well, you could always just ask, instead of giving me a heart attack,” you slid your shirt off as you spoke and smirked as you watched his eyes drift to your chest.
“Uh-huh,” he nodded in agreement but his eyes never left your cleavage.
Have I really been that busy with school? You leaned forward and pushed out your chest, making them appear bigger than they already were, “You like what you see?”
“Ooohhh, baby.”
The breathless reply shot straight to your vag, leaving a trail of goose bumps as your body woke up. You reached behind you and undid the clasp of your bra, being sure you kept the garment to your chest. A sharp breath in escaped his lips and you could see his shorts were tented. He leaned closer to you, but didn’t make a move to touch. As if he was mesmerized by your little show.
Maybe it has been a while…
You carefully let one strap fall, then the other, still not removing the offending object completely. His emotions fought over his face, mainly between desperation and annoyance, but the man still didn’t move.
“Good boy,” you teased, before completely exposing your chest.
Now that your breasts weren’t covered, Dean’s expression softened to adoration. He took a small step forward and lowered his head, gently sucking one of your nipples into his mouth.
“Ooohhh,” you cooed and closed your eyes at the touch, loving the electric wave that moved through you.
You felt a rush of wetness from your opening and was surprised by your body’s intense reaction to your man’s slight touch, Okay, clearly it has been that long.
Somehow finding the strength within yourself, you gently pushed his head away from your chest and jumped off the counter, “Lock the door.”
Sure, you loved Sam, but if he walked in on you doing his brother again you’d have no choice but to move.
Dean did as instructed faster than you thought was possible and was back to being rooted in place while you wiggled out of your jeans.
“No panties?”
You bent at the waist and stuck your ass out for him to admire as you turned on the water.
“Jesus.”
“What,” you flipped your hair and turned your head to face him, faking innocence.
“You look so good like that,” he licked his lips and stepped closer.
“Like what,” you baited, giving a playful wink as you wiggled your ass.
“Like this,” he grabbed your hips and pulled your ass back to meet his crotch, “bent over, ass up… Mmm baby, would love to pound you like this.”
You smiled at him and straightened back up, pressing your naked body close against him, “Why don’t we save that for later, and shower before wasting all the hot water?”
You then pulled down his shorts before stepping into the bathtub, hiding behind the shower curtain.
Dean chuckled before stepping in after you, completely naked. You exchanged appreciative looks at the other’s body—your eyes lingering on the hard on that was dangling between his legs—before he turned around to face the spray, wetting his hair.
“I love seeing you all wet and hard for me,” you pressed a kiss to his back and snaked your one arm around to his front.
“I-,” he let out a small sigh as your hand enclosed his shaft, “I thought we needed to shower?”
“We are showering, silly,” you pressed another kiss to his back and continued to massage his dick.
“We won’t be if you keep that up.”
You chuckled and let go, trading places so you could stand under the spray.
“Mmm,” you closed your eyes at the relaxing feel of the water, “this feels so good.”
“It’s a pretty decent picture too,” Dean chuckled, wrapping his arms around you to cup your breasts.
A small coo escaped your lips and you leaned yourself back into the touch, “this is a good way to celebrate.”
“Yeah,” he brought his head down to your shoulder to whisper in your ear, “you liking this, baby?”
“Mhmm,” you felt him slide one of his hands down across your stomach to your lips.
He rubbed at it slowly, dragging his finger over your slit, but not going deeper.
“Mmm, De,-”
“Ssshhh,” he pressed a kiss to just behind your ear, “let me take care of you.”
And take care of you he did.
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Dean’s head whipped up and to the side, looking over to see his brother looking at him expectantly.
“Uh, yeah – sure. Sounds great.” Dean replied, putting on a fake smile as they made their way to the car.
Whatever Sam had asked, that seemed to be the answer he was hoping for, since he returned the smile and (thankfully) slid into the driver’s seat.
Keep it together! Dean thought to himself, trying to stifle the cough that tried escaping from his throat as he got in the other side.
—
What Sam had asked, apparently, had everything to do with extra bacon, extra grease, and extra hyper-awareness of everything Dean was doing. Which is how Dean found himself here, starring back at his reflection in the men’s bathroom of a diner a few blocks away from the motel they were staying at while they chased down this hunt.
He looked back at himself in surprise – he was looking nothing close to the complete crap he felt like. He felt as though he was sweating through his clothes, his head felt like it was on fire and all his bones felt like Jell-O.
How the hell was he supposed to stuff down those burgers while the mere smell of them made him nauseous? Even just thinking about putting them in his mouth made his stomach clench. There was no way he could do it, and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to order soup, as that would be a giant red flag to Sam that something wasn’t right, and he’d be damned if he made Sam worry about him this close to just getting him back.
Could this be some sort of Purgatory sickness? Dean didn’t think so, otherwise it would’ve shown up closer to when he got out – not two weeks later – right?
It’s probably just the flu. He thought before doubling over as he started coughing violently.
He watched as he spat a mixture of mucus and blood into the sink.
Okay, definitely not the flu…He turned the tap on and rinsed whatever it was down the drain, gathering water into his hands to splash over his face.
He jumped a mile at the knock on the door, feeling his heart pound out of his chest.
“Dean?” Sam called in cautiously.
“Yeah?” Dean croaked, before clearing his throat.
“Food’s getting cold.” Sam’s voice was closer to the door, and more concerned.
“I’m fine Sammy – be right out.” Dean replied.
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in as he heard the footsteps retreat and took one last look at himself in the mirror.
“I’m fine.” He breathed, trying to convince himself before going out to face his brother.
That wasn’t a complete lie – he was decidedly better off with whatever this was then when he was in 360 degree combat down downstairs.
He could do this.
—
He could not do this.
Or, at least – not for much longer. It was getting harder to hide his symptoms from Sam, and he knew his brother wasn’t an idiot – he was catching on. And even if by some miracle he hadn’t yet, he would.
Dean was rummaging around in the trunk, searching for some cold medicine. He’d gone from just feeling nauseous and sweaty to actually sweating through his shirts and getting insanely dizzy and winded, even after the shortest trips.
It was getting more annoying than anything else.
And why didn’t Sam have any medicine in the car?
Oh…right.
He shook his head and tried to not focus on the answer to his question, which was easy enough since shaking his head made him regret it immediately.
“I’m too old for this crap.” He mumbled, closing his eyes and trying to not focus on the spinning in his head.
He tried to take some deep breaths, to calm himself and only ended up having a coughing fit – which ended in bloody puke being pushing past his lips. He waited until he was just dry heaving before deciding he was alright enough to straighten up and open his eyes, wiping the tears away and being grateful no one was around to see him.
“Oh, c’mon!” He sighed, wrinkling his nose at the puke in the back seat.
That was definitely going to be a bitch to clean, especially at – he checked his watch – 2:30 in the morning.
Well that’s just great. He thought, scrubbing a hand down his face.
—
Finally. Dean sighed, his aching body hitting the mattress, barely glancing at the clock that read 4:30.
He’d scrubbed the spot until his hands were raw before thinking of how odd it would look if just the back seat was clean, so he ended up giving Baby a complete cleaning, oil change and tire checks included.
He’d also broke down and walked to the closest drug store (which seemed much father away when he kept stopping every two minutes to catch his breath and wait out his swimming vision) in the hopes of buying some of the good stuff, or at the least, stealing it.
But apparently the drug store wasn’t open that late (imagine that) and he was too tired to break in, so he walked back empty handed, which felt as if it took at least double the amount it did to get there.
Least I can sleep now. He thought, letting himself relax into the crappy excuse for a bed.
“Dean – time to get up.”
Dean groaned and flinched his leg back at the slap but otherwise didn’t move.
“Dean, c’mon – let’s go!” Sam yelled, throwing what Dean assumed was his duffle on top of him, knocking the wind from his lungs.
His eyes flew open and he bolted upright, gasping for breath, hands instinctively going up to his chest, his duffle falling to the ground.
“You got ten minutes!” Sam called before the door closed.
Dean grumbled and looked at the clock – 5:00am.
Fuck.
He went to stretch his arms over his head but was stopped by a shooting pain blazing from his right shoulder.
Great, now what? He thought, making his way to the bathroom for a shower.
He was stunned by his reflection – he’d gone pale as a sheet and his eyes looked sunken.
“Jesus.” He breathed, bringing a hand up to touch his face, making sure it was really him.
He started the water and peeled his sweat-soaked shirt off carefully, not liking the way his whole upper body complained – apparently he was too old for this. He stepped in carefully and sighed as the water hit his body, feeling the heat envelope him like a blanket.
Dean hadn’t even realized he was freezing until that moment. He held his head under the water and closed his eyes, smiling as he felt the pounding of water on his scalp. The steam was also helping clear his sinuses and, dare he say – he didn’t feel like complete crap in that moment.
Naturally, he was wrong and dropped to his knees just in time to feel bile fly past his lips for the second time that night. He reached his hand out to steady himself against the wall, the physical connection also helping him to distinguish which way was up.
“Dean! Let’s go!”
“Alright!” He yelled back, internally cursing himself for his voice breaking.
He rinsed his mouth out before turning the water off and grabbing a towel, carefully stepping out of the tub and failing, slipping on the tile floor, before a quick spin of colours went passed his eyes and he felt a sharp pain to the back of his head.
Crack!
He heard Sam burst in the door but couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes, which he knew somewhere in the back of his mind wasn’t a good thing – but was really too tired to care. He felt a change in altitude and a quick wave of nausea come over him, but defiantly swallowed it down, sending him into a round of coughing.
“Whoa – hey, breath, just breath.” Sam cooed, rubbing circles into his back.
Sam stopped as soon as the coughs did and Dean felt a shift in the air – confirming his suspicion that he coughed up blood.
“Dean, I need you to open your eyes.” Sam requested his voice low but concerned.
“T’red.” Dean replied, trying to turn his head away from the sudden onslaught of light.
“Yeah, I know you’re tired, but I need you to stay with me Dean. Okay? Just stay with me.” Sam said, not quite able to hide the rising panic in his voice.
“M’kay S’mmy.” Dean reassured, weakly bringing his hand up to pat his arm.
“Yeah, you’ll be okay Dean. Don’t worry.” Sam said hastily.
Dean relaxed more at those words and welcomed the blackness that threatened to overtake him, acutely aware that Sam was still talking in the background.
—
Dean came to slowly, feeling himself lying on a mattress – a good mattress.
His eyes flew open and he bolted into a sitting position, choking on a tube that was down his throat, before hearing what sounded like sirens and seeing a bunch of nurses rush into the room, some pushing him down and one empting a needle into one of his feeds.
—
“Mr. Weston, how nice of you to join us.” The doctor greeted.
Dean looked around cautiously – it was bad enough he didn’t remember what the hell happened, but he woke up in a hospital.
“You gave us quite a scare.” She continued, walking to the end of the bed to grab his chart.
“You’re looking good now though – no doubt you’re feeling better?” She asked, peering at him from over her glasses.
“W-where the hell am I?” Dean stammered, his heart speeding up and mind going directly into hunter mode.
“You’re at Ramsay General. You don’t remember coming here yesterday?” She sounded almost skeptical.
He shook his head and felt his heart sink – he most certainly did not remember.
“You’re cousin called you in early yesterday morning, around five I believe-”
“Shit.” Dean swore, cutting her off.
“I’m sorry?” The doctor asked, looking offended.
“No, not you. S-my uh, my cousin – he must be worried. Can I see him?” Dean asked hopefully.
“Mr. Weston, while I applaud you for wanting to get going and not wallow, I don’t think you understand the full sight of what your body’s been through. You were about an inch away from death when you got here, and although you’ve made tremendous progress – I’d recommend you don’t over do it. We wouldn’t want to see you back here so soon, would we?”
“Mr. Kroger – please! You’re not allowed-”
At that moment Sam and a worried looking nurse burst through the door, her face red, Sam’s eyes going directly to the doctor.
“I’m sorry, Miss. He insisted.” The nurse said, a blush creeping up her face.
“You said twenty-four hours.” Sam stated, voice low, looking at her as if she were prey.
“I did say that, didn’t I?” The doctor asked, looking nothing but amused at the intruder.
“Five minutes.” She allowed before walking out and motioning for the nurse to follow her.
Dean took in how wrecked his brother looked – he was going to get one hell of a chew-out for this, he could tell.
“Sam – listen, I’m-”
Dean cut himself off with surprise at the look Sam gave him – it was the same way he looked at him after the first time he saw him when he got back from Hell.
“Sammy, I’m okay.” Dean reassured.
“No, you’re not.” Sam shook his head, taking in all the machines around his brother.
“I-”
“Damn it Dean!” Sam yelled, spinning around in a circle.
“Sam-” Dean started, his eyes on the back of his head.
“Don’t even bother with that ‘I’m fine’ crap!” Sam screamed, pacing and looking like he needed to punch something.
“They told me you died Dean! You flat lined twice!” Sam spat, fingers running through his hair, knuckles turning white.
Dean was absentmindedly surprised that he didn’t end up ripping any of it out with the amount of force he must’ve used.
“Sammy-”
“They told me I lost you!” Sam roared.
Again.
Neither brother said it, but the word hung in the air between them anyway and took Dean’s breath away. How could he have missed that? No wonder he was so wrecked.
“They told me I-” Sam choked, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
Dean slid out from the bed and walked to his brother, wrapping him up in a much needed hug, squeezing him tight to his chest. Sam hugged him back just as hard and couldn’t hold back his tears any longer, letting them free fall – soaking the stupid hospital gown the eldest wore.
“Sh, Sammy, I’m okay. I’m okay.” Dean whispered, rubbing circles into the giant’s back.
“You were gone and I – I couldn’t-”
“Sammy, its okay, just breathe. I’m alright.” Dean cooed, moving his hand up to pat his hair.
Sam let go and took a few steps back, sniffing and wiping at his eyes, looking embarrassed, much to Dean’s surprise.
“I know. I’m alright.” Dean repeated, walking over to where his clothes laid in pile.
“Whaddya say we get out of here, huh? Before they discover you’re not related to that diva?” Dean offered, looking to Sam who still looked stunned.
“Sammy?”
“Yeah? Uh – yeah. S-sounds good, I’ll uh – I’ll wait in the hall.” Sam replied, before making a move for the door.
“Eh, Sam?” Dean called, effectively stopping his brother.
“Yeah?”
“It’s not like I wouldn’t have found a way back.”
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Sam was sitting at the table in the corner of the room, his eyes red from reading unhelpful article after unhelpful article about which was the correct method to kill the thing they were currently hunting. All of them claimed to ‘actually work’, which made Sam snort because if they all worked he and Dean wouldn’t be here. Dean was out talking to witnesses, would probably be back in an hour or so, giving Sam less time than he’d originally wanted to try and find something that had a hope of working.
“Gabriel? What are you doing here?” Sam asked startled as the archangel suddenly appeared sitting on top of the desk.
“What? You don’t want me here?” Gabriel asked innocently.
“No – it’s just – I’m working.” Sam stuttered, feeling his face turn red.
“Exactly why I’m here Sammy-boy. You need a little break.” Gabriel replied, reaching forward to close the laptop.
“Ugh – thanks?”
Sam watched as Gabriel started laughing, suddenly too dumbfound to move or find his voice. His laugh was so genuine, Sam realized, he’d never heard the creature before him make that sound before. It wasn’t the ‘My-God-how-stupid-are-you?’ laugh of the Trickster or the ‘I’m-way-better-than-you-suck-it’ laugh of the cocky archangel, this laugh seemed to be saying exactly what it sounded like – it was pure laughter that meant that Gabriel thought something was funny. It was the most magical sound Sam had ever heard – cursing himself for only being able to use such a stupid cliché to describe it – and he knew instantly that something was off. Not good off, but not bad off either, something just wasn’t right, and despite not wanting to, Sam knew he’d have to figure out what it was.
“C’mon Sammy, you don’t have to get right back to work do you?” Gabriel asked, pleading evident in his eyes.
“I – I guess not.” Sam replied, trying to ignore the soft tug he felt in his chest.
Gabriel’s eyes lit up and he jumped over the laptop, landing in Sam’s lap, wrapping his hands around his neck. Sam looked at him startled, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.
“Hi.” Gabriel smiled.
“Hi.” Sam said, smiling back and hoping Gabriel couldn’t feel his rapid pulse.
Gabriel smiled softly, almost tenderly at him before resting his head down on Sam’s shoulder. Sam brought his arms up to wrap around the small man on his lap, telling himself that it was because he didn’t want him to fall, not at all because he didn’t want the angel to leave. Gabriel sighed and Sam felt the tingle of breath against his neck, feeling oddly at peace, regardless of what was going on. Sam rested his head slightly on top of Gabriel’s, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of Gabriel – it was a sweet mix of rain, freshly mowed grass, mint and a hint of chocolate.
“Sammy?” Gabriel asked after a moment of silence.
“Yeah?” Sam asked, mumbled by his hair.
“I need you to do something for me.” Gabriel stated, rubbing his head against the hunter’s neck, trying to snuggle himself closer.
“Anything.” Sam promised.
“Sam!” Dean’s voice cut through the peace and Sam raised his head, irritably looking around.
Sam blinked and saw his brother straddling his lap on top of the covers, looking scarred shitless. Sam took a moment to let the room come back to him, he was in the same motel but he was in the bed, not sitting at the table in the corner where his laptop was.
“Jesus Sammy, you couldn’t have woken up sooner?” Dean grumbled, climbing off the bed.
“Dean?” Sam asked confused, looking down at himself and realizing that he was only wearing a tank top and boxers.
“Yeah genius, it’s me. I need to go out to talk to some witnesses and I need you to start poking around the web, try to get anything useful to gank this bitch.” Dean instructed, before grabbing the keys to the Impala and waiting at the door.
“Oh, okay.” Sam said, getting up to fish around for some actual clothes.
“Let’s go Princess, we haven’t got all day!” Dean exclaimed.
“What? You said I was on research duty.” Sam stated.
“After breakfast you moron, let’s go. Or did you forget that we promised Cas to meet him at the diner?” Dean asked impatiently as he watched Sam pull on some clothes.
Sam just nodded and avoided looking at his brother, trying to shake that dream out of his head. He should’ve known that it was just a dream, there was no way that an angel, let alone an archangel would want to be with him. He picked up his duffle and walked toward the door, where Dean finally stomped out of the room. Sam looked over to the table with the laptop with a sigh; he kind of wished that he didn’t wake up.
Don’t worry Sammy – that was just a little taste of what we’ll be doing later.
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